P0wned by Jupiter
by Anchoku
Summary: Spamfic: Crystal Tokyo is assured, Kino Makoto focuses on finding a boyfriend, or two, or... Now, where would an enterprising young woman with an interest in food and martial arts find someone like that? Warning: Suggestive content, no sempai imitations


P0wned by Jupiter

I down't p0wn 3ny ov this but I still p0wn my mind… sort of.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"He's an _ass!_ He's a jerk and I don't think you'd like him," Tuxedo Io declared. The thick-shouldered Guardian of Jupiter crossed his arms presenting an unrelenting and stony visage to Sailor Jupiter, also known as Kino Makoto when she wasn't on duty.

Today, Makoto _was_ on duty, in a manner of speaking. She was on the hunt for another guardian, an official one to bond with her last, great moon. She had not meant to save the largest moon until last but, after getting to know her other guardians, they all seemed to fit another moon better.

"I think he's cute!" Tuxedo Callisto put in by way of objection.

"Faggot," Eruopa muttered. Jupiter raised an eyebrow at the tall, lean, self-assured guardian. The guy wasn't the most positive person but he plowed the field like a mad bull on speed; that, and he was even more dangerous to friends and enemies alike after his magical transformation. He was really very much like a bull in a china shop. Some days that turned her on to no end.

"That wasn't very polite, you know," Callisto objected and that was about as much objection as he would ever make. Callisto, Makoto mused, was a real team player. He was extremely talented and flexible. He also helped even the odds when Io and Europa decided to gang up on her, not that she minded the byplay once they got into it.

"Not _you,_ Konatsu," Io said. "The insulting, womanizing, queer _jerk_ we've been talking about for the last ten minutes."

"He's not gay, he just hasn't done it yet," Callisto pointed out, avoiding argument over any of the topic's _other_ character flaws.

Jupiter considered that Callisto may be biased because they're friends. "Okay, okay, I get it. The two of you have problems with him and Callisto doesn't." At that moment, Io fell into his downer-mode capable of suffocating the life right out of a New Year's block party. She rolled her eyes. They landed back on Europa. "So…" she prompted.

"Whatever. I can always pound the snot out of him," Europa grumbled. He crossed his arms like Io, indicating resistance, but wasn't completely against the idea if the sneer meant anything. She decided to take that as a lack of strong objection, which made the vote one for, one against and one whatever. She still _almost_ couldn't believe she'd caught such a fine specimen for her group of guardians. She'd had to borrow Usagi's disguise pen to mimic his transformation right down to the eel and octopus just to keep him from discounting her. Their relationship went from casual to serious the moment she offered him the post of Guardian and named him Tuxedo Europa.

Io was getting whiney. "I still say he's an ass."

Europa was reaching the end of his rope. His patience, such as it was, had worn too thin. That usually meant an insult was on its way. "Well, you're an oinker," Europa predictably fired back. After that, there would be blood but she kind of liked how they fought for dominance between themselves.

"That doesn't happen anymore! The pig is gone!" Io evenly ground out through gnashed teeth. Yes, the violence was coming and that was why she needed a Ganymede, someone who could better understand her and help buffer some of the extreme androgen levels within her corps of Guardians.

Turning to Callisto, she conspiratorially whispered, "Is he that good? Do you think he can help keep these two from igniting and setting kitchen on fire?"

Callisto's eyes widened. Then, widened some more. "If-if you mean, will he help them relieve a little frustration, then yes, but… but you may have to make sure they don't hurt each other. They can play rough. I… I do not think they will be as nice to… him… as they are to you."

Makoto thought about what she knew of the guy and opened her manila folder to review his background. Everything was there laid out in plain Japanese. A sticky-note on the front near the photographs said, "This one will provide balance, amusement, and variety. Go get him. – S." She had to agree. There was a section regarding probable interactions with each of the other three guardians. He would be the buffer she needed – her much-needed kitchen fire extinguisher. It was getting too intense with Io and Europa. Callisto was fun but he would not put himself between the other two. She needed someone to toss on their raging fires of passion and know everything would soon be back under her control.

As she was thinking of what to do about Io and Europa, the two of them were starting their posturing for male dominance, _again_. It was something she could tolerate in only small amounts. In _her_ service, _she_ was Queen and _they_ would obey. 'Usagi rules her way, I rule _my way_ and I don't like useless infighting. It should at _least_ improve their skills.'

Lately, her sponsor, Jupiter himself, had been offering suggestions in her dreams while she slept. He showed her how to commission her own guardians. He also explained about the harem he once collected before his wife put a torch to the root of that idea. To her surprise, Setsuna, Sailor Pluto, already had a stack of dossiers as candidates for guardian, not that Makoto approved of the harem concept. It just sounded like such a good idea to have guardians of her own and, if there happened to be some side benefits that went along, that was just a bonus. To Pluto's credit, each candidate was truly awesome: hunky, super-athletic, very talented fighers, and, best of all, hunky.

Her first had been Io. Wandering around with a lost look in his eyes, he had ratty hair and practically passed out the moment she asked if he'd like some cookies and a bath. After that, it was easy. He _did_ pass out, after all. She woke him up, gently, yet insistently, and he'd been hers ever since; especially after giving him the jug of water Pluto delivered to her doorstep the next morning. 'He has such awesome physical stamina,' she thought in happy memory. 'His only two real issues are his sense of direction and the way he lets little problems drive him near total insanity.'

Now, Europa was another story. He was bigger than Io, much bigger, sometimes painfully bigger depending upon the weather. He was next on the list. Brutally self-assured, Europa took what he wanted, when he wanted and with gusto. He was a thrill a minute but that was about how long he could last outside of his monstrous transformation.

And that was where Callisto came in. 'He looked like such a cross-dressing fool she had to fight her laughter down but he kept her apartment clean. (Well, at least, after I taught him how. He _did_ ask.) And, he was an absolute genius in the bedroom. He even got the best of one of other two once in a while.' Jupiter sighed. 'Unfortunately, he couldn't distract both Io and Europa to allow her a breather from training her guardians. That was why she needed her Ganymede.

Sailor Jupiter closed the folder she was perusing and hid it in her personal space. 'I won't take no for an answer. I _need_ the help with these three.' With that, she made her intentions clear. "Ahem. Boys, I've decided. I'm going after him. You'll just have to deal with it."

"Yaaaaay!" Callisto yelled, jumping into the air with joy. "I can't wait to show Ganymede all the neat things I've learned!" It had been interesting approaching Callisto. He was a very good cross-dresser, enough that Makoto knew she would have been completely fooled without Pluto's dossier, but distrusted women who came on too strongly. At least, that was the advice Pluto offered. The solution was to get a bit of wardrobe help from Tenou Haruka. That, and a bit of old-fashioned elbow grease, did the trick.

Jupiter's heart fluttered as a slow, malicious smile crept across Europa's face. 'I know that smile,' she thought in trepidation. Another part of her was mildly jealous, though. Still, distracting Europa and Io was the main point, anyway.

Io, on the other hand, was stomping holes in the roof's pitch. 'Well, we'll just have to see how things work out. Setsuna _did_ say it would be interesting and they _would_ have internal dynamics when they weren't being totally awesome as Guardians of Jupiter.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Saotome Ranma was currently, and coincidentally, flying over the roof-tops toward a group of four magical warriors holding a debate on club membership. "Stupid tomboy, why'd she have to choose Hiroshi, of all people?" he wondered, still in shock over the kiss he'd witnessed. The pain of his apparent break-up and subsequent landing (in the very near future) had not quite hit but it _would_, quite soon.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Back outside of Furinkan High School, Hiroshi was just coming down from the most brilliant lip-lock he'd ever experienced in his sixteen years of existence. Tendo Akane stared back, glassy eyed, as he slowly broke their embrace. Her hair had the freshest scent of spring and flowers he'd ever smelled. It was just like she'd washed it just minutes ago. He also felt wonderfully refreshed, himself. His back ached, unfortunately. He was sure some girl kicked him there but no longer cared. He leaned in for another kiss. He just couldn't get enough of her and it looked as if she felt the same.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Around the corner of the retaining wall on the street, a black mini-skirted, green-haired, red-eyed woman grinned a malevolent grin and reviewed her Greek "mythology," if it can be called that. Her arms held a bucket with nothing but a half-empty bottle of shampoo inside as her mind wandered history. Zeus seduced Io easily but cursed her to turn into a cow. Hera then cursed her to get lost when she found out. Europa was a Phonecian moon cow Goddess Zeus seduced by pretending he was a handsome bull and galloping off with her to do the wild thing. Callisto was a bit different in that she was wary of men so Zeus disguised himself as her lady-boss, Artemis, and snuck his way into her pants. However, Ganymede was something entirely different and not just a bit. Ganymede was a good looking young man; a Trojan Prince that Zeus had a different kind of appetite for.


End file.
